God’s Top 10 Life Hacks

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49 Responses

  1. Rognald666 says:

    My dad told me I’m not circumcised because the priest asked my parents if
    they wanted it done or not during my baptism, and they said fuck no.

  2. Evil Smith says:

    the real bible approved hack to get high is actually drinking booze. no
    matter how wasted someone gets, no one will admit they are high on a legal
    drug.

  3. Thunderhawk70 says:

    As I watch this I see it has 48,666 views.

  4. Vinny Johncox says:

    Omfg this is one of my favorite DarkMatter videos! XD

  5. David vansteyn says:

    i miss my foreskin

  6. canutellwhosthis says:

    a LOT of these were taken out of context

  7. Mr1337Kitty says:

    Top10 Top 10 lists.

  8. Bladezy Boo (I Call Shotgun) says:

    FORESKIN FIGHT IN THE COMMENTS!

  9. ajs1031 says:

    Life hack number 10…the reason god did it is because he made us all to be
    just like him…which, by definition, means that if women get P.M.S., god
    must also get P.M.S., so it had to have been his time of the Eon.

  10. cubedude76 says:

    i grew up in a catholic school and a friend and i were reading the bible
    looking for questions to make a board game. when we came across the bear
    passage we instantly added the question “How many children were mauled to
    death for saying “go up baldhead!” ” answer: 42

  11. uncleanunicorn says:

    Was never quite sure about the foreskins .

  12. Gerald Davis says:

    Gods right regarding hack 6. God encourages healthy Christian marriage.
    The alternative would be single parent and broken families.

  13. kiel hall says:

    THANK YOU AGAIN

  14. Maxx Kroes says:

    It is perfectly right to hack of a piece of a childs dick, because god says
    it. Remind me again, why did your god create forskins anyway, why not leave
    it away?

  15. Sercil says:

    I actually took a banana just as the “peel a banana” lifehack came up.
    Didn’t work. Give me my money back, God, you lazy SOB!

  16. Jake Broski says:

    OH MY GOD DID GOD JUST SAY WORLDSTAR

  17. Amer Djuliman says:

    And even if you do wrong, just whip yourself and maybe God won’t send you
    to hell forever.

  18. XolBurn says:

    This is the reason why I love the DarkMatter2525 channel.

  19. telespallaTOM says:

    PLEASE, +DarkMatter2525 add some subtitles, at least in the new videos…
    Wonderful video anyway

  20. Robert Rosello says:

    Thanks for calling Circumcision like it is Genital mutilation.

  21. Donald says:

    The worm mouths….

  22. MatawanBullShark says:

    Damn, that Virgin Mary comeback was God’s Sickest Burn since he created
    Hell.

  23. Germanic Barbarian says:

    His gravity defying sleeves burn my brain

  24. patu8010 says:

    Isn’t one of the ten commandments “Thou shalt not film vertically”

  25. Bigyan Gamer says:

    I love This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?????? I’m nod offended at all

  26. Beatriz Zorzetto de Sá says:

    Awesome video as usual! Any other brazilians watching this?

  27. Jack Andersan says:

    More God top 10 lists!

  28. SmileFIN says:

    Bible is awesome.

  29. Syed Abbas Naqvi says:

    lolz

  30. adrienfourniercom says:

    you can also use the 200 forskins for a giant delicious squid salad.
    Yumi calamaris!

  31. Troubleshooter125 says:

    Ooooooooooooookay! Hints from Heloise this was NOT!

  32. kevin hatas says:

    “like the virgin Mary”
    God: Come you little motherfucker
    Lol

  33. MrBoltstrike says:

    Geffrey’s reaction kills me. It punctuates the joke just right

  34. フィッシャー00769 says:

    I am fucking pissing myself from laughing this is so hilarious. I love it.

  35. BrainNeedsFood says:

    *Foreskin Fight!!!*

  36. n0u4n says:

    Ahhh. It’s such a pleasure to see one’s name on the list of “producers” on
    this show. :)

  37. Joseph M. says:

    come here you little motherfucker hahaha

  38. TheUnknownFaget Lord says:

    Foreskins. better than Nerf.

  39. MsTenseiga says:

    I missed them :’D

  40. Lugmillord says:

    Man, foreskins are so much more useful than I thought! Now I also want a
    pile of them for birthday!

  41. Ryan Swanson says:

    You’re a man among men and women Darko. =)

  42. 비니보이 says:

    Darkmatter2525, how do you manage to make each new video somehow even more
    epic than the last…!??

  43. Εκδόσεις Οξυγόνο says:

    Good. You’re back to good script again.

  44. Obeyed.Sphere.J.Pine. says:

    The funny thing is the creationists trying to rationalize this!

  45. vinniecent007 says:

    I am SO GLAD that Christians nitpick the bible. One less Islam to be
    worried about..

  46. Thien Soo Yap says:

    awesome video

  47. Steven Stabbers Lein says:

    I like how DM used the sound of a can of root beer opening for the bird
    neck snapping.

  48. Gabriel Anderson says:

    Im not grammar sorry for my English

  49. SYKRAL says:

    FORESKIN FIGHT!!!

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0.1018 [ms]
SELECT * FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID = 27578 LIMIT 1;
0.1030 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (27578) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
0.1040 [ms]
SELECT * FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID = 27573 LIMIT 1;
0.1431 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (27573) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
0.1009 [ms]
SELECT * FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID = 27568 LIMIT 1;
0.1020 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (27568) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
39.4759 [ms]
SELECT SQL_CALC_FOUND_ROWS  lifehacks_posts.ID FROM lifehacks_posts  WHERE 1=1  AND lifehacks_posts.post_type = 'post' AND
(lifehacks_posts.post_status = 'publish')  ORDER BY lifehacks_posts.comment_count DESC LIMIT 0, 5;
0.0730 [ms]
SELECT FOUND_ROWS();
0.2270 [ms]
SELECT lifehacks_posts.* FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID IN (12668,16706,16885,15247,14210);
3.3319 [ms]
SELECT  t.*, tt.*, tr.object_id FROM lifehacks_terms AS t  INNER JOIN lifehacks_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id INNER JOIN
lifehacks_term_relationships AS tr ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('category', 'post_tag', 'post_format') AND
tr.object_id IN (12668, 14210, 15247, 16706, 16885) ORDER BY t.name ASC ;
0.6359 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (12668,14210,15247,16706,16885) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
0.1068 [ms]
SELECT rating_username, rating_rating, rating_ip FROM lifehacks_ratings WHERE rating_postid = 2324;
0.1080 [ms]
SELECT * FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID = 12670 LIMIT 1;
0.1059 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (12670) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
0.1130 [ms]
SELECT * FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID = 16708 LIMIT 1;
0.1130 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (16708) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
0.1109 [ms]
SELECT * FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID = 16887 LIMIT 1;
0.1209 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (16887) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
0.1121 [ms]
SELECT * FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID = 15249 LIMIT 1;
0.1121 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (15249) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
0.1099 [ms]
SELECT * FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID = 14212 LIMIT 1;
0.1180 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (14212) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
31.5101 [ms]
SELECT  t.*, tt.* FROM lifehacks_terms AS t  INNER JOIN lifehacks_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('post_tag') AND
tt.count > 0 ORDER BY tt.count DESC LIMIT 45;
0.2110 [ms]
SELECT term_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_termmeta WHERE term_id IN
(14693,14946,15073,73,367,181,662,16133,229,14517,16134,16431,18942,1133,18943,14735,386,130,14947,123,2920,20855,20654,2961,13554,349,532,13305,12618,193,353,180,352,14483,422,1720,867,13557,13453,283,378,564,13016)
ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
299.7389 [ms]
SELECT DISTINCT lifehacks_posts.ID, (t1.meta_value+0.00) AS ratings_average, (t2.meta_value+0.00) AS ratings_users, (t3.meta_value+0.00) AS
ratings_score FROM lifehacks_posts LEFT JOIN lifehacks_postmeta AS t1 ON t1.post_id = lifehacks_posts.ID LEFT JOIN lifehacks_postmeta As t2 ON
t1.post_id = t2.post_id LEFT JOIN lifehacks_postmeta AS t3 ON t3.post_id = lifehacks_posts.ID WHERE t1.meta_key = 'ratings_average' AND t2.meta_key =
'ratings_users' AND t3.meta_key = 'ratings_score' AND lifehacks_posts.post_password = '' AND lifehacks_posts.post_date < NOW() AND
lifehacks_posts.post_status = 'publish' AND t2.meta_value >= 0 AND 1=1 ORDER BY ratings_average DESC, ratings_users DESC LIMIT 10;
0.4020 [ms]
SELECT lifehacks_posts.* FROM lifehacks_posts WHERE ID IN (1228,919,3455,628,962,3824,4447,25030,983,3055);
2.9340 [ms]
SELECT  t.*, tt.*, tr.object_id FROM lifehacks_terms AS t  INNER JOIN lifehacks_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id INNER JOIN
lifehacks_term_relationships AS tr ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('category', 'post_tag', 'post_format') AND
tr.object_id IN (628, 919, 962, 983, 1228, 3055, 3455, 3824, 4447, 25030) ORDER BY t.name ASC ;
1.4548 [ms]
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value FROM lifehacks_postmeta WHERE post_id IN (628,919,962,983,1228,3055,3455,3824,4447,25030) ORDER BY meta_id ASC;
NoticeOnly variables should be passed by reference on line 98 in file /home/domains/cleverlifehacks.com/htdocs/wp-content/themes/hueman-master/option-tree/ot-loader.php
NoticeOnly variables should be passed by reference on line 326 in file /home/domains/cleverlifehacks.com/htdocs/wp-content/themes/hueman-master/option-tree/ot-loader.php
DeprecatedMethods with the same name as their class will not be constructors in a future version of PHP; AlxTabs has a deprecated constructor on line 14 in file /home/domains/cleverlifehacks.com/htdocs/wp-content/themes/hueman-master/functions/widgets/alx-tabs.php
DeprecatedMethods with the same name as their class will not be constructors in a future version of PHP; AlxVideo has a deprecated constructor on line 14 in file /home/domains/cleverlifehacks.com/htdocs/wp-content/themes/hueman-master/functions/widgets/alx-video.php
DeprecatedMethods with the same name as their class will not be constructors in a future version of PHP; AlxPosts has a deprecated constructor on line 14 in file /home/domains/cleverlifehacks.com/htdocs/wp-content/themes/hueman-master/functions/widgets/alx-posts.php